Your Voice

Seeking Excuses for Others

Compassion and kindness go a long way.

Seeking Excuses for Others

When a person does not respond quickly to us, either by email or text message, we often make judgements about that person. Sadly, this is especially true if he is dear and close to us or if has a value and love in our heart.

An odd change can come over us when someone does not respond quickly to our messages, or even not responding at all or not fulfilling a commitment or a date. Often, we become filled with mistrust. Negative feelings are intensified. We think that this marginalization is deliberate, and this thought gives a window of opportunity for negative thoughts to destroy the relationship, especially if it is in its infancy.

Here I advise every person who is prone to mistrust to be patient and wait. Be willing to excuse this behavior not just once or ten times, but as much as possible. Remind the person of the appointment and commitment and repeat the messages to him in a gentle manner until he responds.

By seeking excuses for the behavior of others, we become psychologically settled and relaxed. I learnt this logic from the prophetic hadith: “Seek seventy excuses for your Muslim brother. Nevertheless, we find people who terminate the relationship based on one or two situations, most of which are trivial.

My advice to you is to seek excuse among your brethren as much as possible, especially if the person is dear and close to you. Always repeat the gentle messages to him until he points out that he wants to be alone. Nothing is better than clarity in relationships.

Anger does no good in these circumstances, and it isn’t productive to try to figure out the intentions of others. Do not interpret things according to your mood, which might be cloudy, and affect your clarity of vision. For your own sake, and for the health of your relationships, be patient, and seek 70 excuses.

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